We woke to John Squire’s opening guitar intro to “Love Spreads” (Stone Roses) at exactly ‘oh-eight-hundred’ this morning.
Alarms are not a normal feature of a holiday, so this was because we had to be down at the Taxi rank for 9:10am to be picked up by Mr Baris (his Panama-hat-wearing colleague, tbf) and whisked over to Fethiye harbour.
Like lions led by donkeys, oh, hang on that was pre-election. Led by a non Panama-hat-wearing crew member, we were taken the short walk down a long path to the boat. THE. BOAT. THE BOAT! What a boat!
Remember that boat I took a fancy to on Thursday & in the photo, said I’d captain one day…???? The Grand Baris is a proper swanky, top notch big sailing boat. And it’s one of two that Baris runs.
I WhatsApp’d him on Thursday (that’s how things get done here) & sorted out a booking. “Each person GB 30. 4 stop, no loud music, BBQ lunch. I will pickup and drop back from Ovacik Taksi Rank 9:10am”. Job’s a gud’n, we’re in!
Then, we were taken a long walk across a short plank, onto the back of the boat, (stern? I was certainly assertive) and through the boat to the front pointy bit that you see on Titanic before it sinks. Note to self: I perhaps shouldn’t have said my thoughts out loud as I often do, as it seemed to unsettle a few of the passengers.
Jane & I settled down in our seats that were a quarter boat-length apart. One in the squishy chair in the sun, one with a rigid back, easy access to a vomitory (exit passageway), and a sturdy table that could hold a cold beer at the appropriate height. After we swapped seats it worked well for the whole of the voyage.
Pertinent background. I describe that I get “seasick in a bath”. Through baby to kid to young adult, I have form. Projectile vomiting is another of my panurgic skills. Practice at an early age, through good parenting, I was trained to a point of being able to redecorate a room, if fed brandy & carnation milk. As I matured, (age 1+), I dabbled to further my athleticism. Coach travel, car travel, just travel.
Then, as an early teen, thanks to Mrs & Mrs Bennett’s now infamous Boxing Day parties, I managed to add an artistic twist to my CV, learning that as a 16 year old, mixing chilli & rice, with a 2l bottle of Woodpecker cider and half a bottle of ‘Blue Curaçao’ meant that the then flat roof extension outside of my bedroom window could become a palette of colours, albeit mainly a radioactive green.
Latterly, I ruined a day trip out on the North Pacific for a large group of fellow whale watchers, including the aforementioned Mr & Mrs Colin & Kath Bennett along with Mr & Mrs Arthur & Ann Robinson . The boat left Nanaimo, headed out into what Captain Pugwash described as calm, but I described as tsunami.
We spotted greys breaching & playing & so got closer. They were so close I know the smell of their spout outbreath. It’s not good when krill & prawn is your only input.
Pugwash cut the engines. The boat began bobbing with the waves. It turned side on towards the whales & everyone rushed to that side. I however rushed port side, reconsidering my breakfast choice. Everyone took photos. I saw a Sunfish on my side of the boat. So did Pugwash. I power-washed that Sunfish with the most expensive breakfast I’ve probably ever eaten – steak & eggs. Pugwash missed that and called everyone over to port side to take photographs. “Why is the Sunfish eating carrots, Daddy?” Was the last I heard before being crushed by shame.
So! Two years ago, we did a boat trip & I was fine! I did another today. I was fine. It was bloody brilliant!
We headed out, caught a glimpse of a turtles head in the harbour, and continued out north easterly before arriving at a small, steep-sided cove.
The colour of the water is definitely an upgrade on Sale Water Park, that’s for sure. It’s a very clear Med, with white shale beaches around here. How could I not resist jumping in & snorkelling about with my Go-Pro!
As always for people born pre-1973’ish, entering deep water that hits ‘that blue’ colour evokes an emotion. And a physical response. After I initially unwound from my foetal position, so I had nothing dangling tempting to things with jaws, I relaxed.
Mask & snorkel on, salt-water buoyant, the first interesting thing I filmed on the go pro was my cheap crappy smart watch on my wrist. Flashing, vibrating, emitting many green lights from its underside. I felt its pain, literally for the 5 minutes it took for it to fall on a salty sword. Rest in peace dear 19-day old friend.
The hooter went. Time to return. Onto the boat, freshwater shower to rinse off the salt. Then off we go again!
Next stop, after passing many great views was another cove (2 more to come, so don’t get coved out just yet).
Giddy & more confident folk started practicing their Titanic moves byjumping from the boat from greater & greater heights.
Meanwhile, Jane & I realised an interesting passenger dynamic.
Where we sat, front lower deck, was a group from Wigan (Pemberton & Upper Ince bizarrely, my genetic heritage), Preston & Manchester. On the upper deck where the sunbeds were, and Jane had a dabble, were folk from the south east of our fair land. There was a north/south divide!
After the dip, dinner was served (lunch, for those upstairs). Chicken or fish? We had one of each plus a plate of chips. Really nice food & plenty of it as well.
From this stop we seemed to be heading toward Cape Horn, but suddenly the engines cut. We were all asked to return to our seats. I grabbed 4 life jackets on the way back, just in case.
Then the sails unfurled. I’m not nautical (shocker!), but this was wonderful! Yes, I know the science, but to have such a big boat go from stalled, to decent speed to the point I noticed us riding higher in the water, was an experience. Bravo!
We did stop twice more, and apart from seeing lots of fish, a possible jellyfish sighting (yet to be confirmed via the GoPro), and more jumping in, we had two more hours of good fun.
All good things, etc. We docked, said our goodbyes & were led back to the charabanc for our journey home.
We decided on the way, that we would head to Turtle Restaurant (thank you), and get some chilled-out scran. A Mousaka & Chicken Kebab, and a very entertaining dialogue with our servers later, we meandered back via the corner shop & that’s where you find me now. On’t balcony.
Tomorrow? Yeah, lazy then football. May involve buying some knock-off clothing. Maybe not.
See you tomorrow, you land-lubbers!
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