Florida 2019 – Day 7 – Swearing with Sticks

So yesterday was supposed to be another easy day.

Instead, Mr F had convinced me to play a round of golf with him early doors. Bear in mind that I have never played proper golf before. My golf experience totals a few games of pitch and putt at Bruntwood Park as a teen, and a handful of goes at crazy golf. I have never been on a driving range and swung a club ‘in anger’. And now I’m going to step out onto the Arnold Palmer ‘Legends’ course, with a bag full of sticks, whizzing around in a golf buggy (a firm “no walking” policy ensures a $50 buggy hire!).

Mr F arrived at around 7:50am, and I was ready and waiting, having donned whatever garish gear I had brought with me. Sadly I’d not thought to bring my ‘Rupert the Bear’ pants with me, so I ended up feeling somewhat under-dressed.

Having negotiated the hire of clubs, bag, and buggy, and paid for balls and a 9-hole round (the sensible choice, I felt), we set off for the bit I was most looking forward to, the buggy driving!

The First Hole. We teed off from a colour-marked imaginary line, towards a flag so far away, I couldn’t see it. This was going to be a long morning!

Mr F set off first to show me how it’s done. His first drive was impressive! How did he get it to curl so much that it nearly headed back towards us, I wondered.

My turn next. I picked one of the sticks with the big fat heads (a driver?) and placed my ball on the little wooden peg. Whoosh! I managed to hit a huge lump of grass around 50 feet. Not bad! Maybe I’m a natural.

Very quickly it became obvious that this game should really be called ‘swearing with sticks’. I ac only apologise to those folk who were sat out on their balconies, having breakfast, overlooking the fifth hole, as Mr F and I loudly cussed our way along the fairway.

From what I can gather from Mr Fs play, the aim is to fire the ball from one side of the course to another, without the ball landing on any smooth green grass. Preferably, it should land in sand, in water, in bushes or just disappear down a rabbit hole.

Apparently, it’s not good form to do donuts on the fairway, or try reverse J-turns, so I modified my driving style to suit, throwing green sand over the tyre marks to disguise them. “We’ll need more green sand”, I pointed out.

I continued to pick the game up, and by the last hole, it was all to play for. This hole for the match!

Following Mr Fs lead, I fired one a hellishly long way into a tree. From there I managed to putt it along the ground about 30 yards using a sand wedge, into an alligator-ridden water hazard. That’s true, btw, they are populated with Gators and you do occasionally see them on the course.

Having lost a number of balls along the way, my luck was in and I could at least gain some kudos from Mr F, as I spotted a number of balls in the shallow end of the lake.

I managed to fish four or five (apparently really good) balls from the lake before the water started to churn nearby and I returned to dry land to finish the hole.

Another four or five putts and the ball got close enough to the hole for Mr F to concede that this probably wasn’t my game, and we headed off to the 19th hole (or should that be 10th for us?), for a cold beer for breakfast. There are some upsides to this game then.

Basking in the glory of his win, Mr F went back home to pickup his clan and take them to the Mall, whilst we waited for Charlie to wake up. He is the Ying to my Yang, and sleeps for over 12 hours in one sitting.

We headed over to Celebration, a strange and beautiful little town built by the Walt Disney Company as part of their vision of an Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow (EPCOT). It’s so perfect, and so quiet, that it’s a bit ‘Stepford Wives’.

However it does have a superb pub. The Town Tavern serves really great food, in particular their Maine Lobster specials and the Clam Chowder are phenomenal.

And just when you think it couldn’t get any better, they serve over 100 different beers. I really do need to come here when I’m not ‘duty driver’!

A quick trip into the ‘ Woof Gang Bakery’ (yep, a bakery for dogs) to buy our Toby some holiday treats, was followed by a slow mooch back around the lake, to the car.

We decided that we wanted to just lazy around for the remainder of the day, so went back to the apartment, and headed to our local pool to “do some sunbathing”. Even Charlie joined us eventually.

I think the American diet is catching up with me, as when I got up to leave, my sunbed looked somewhat worse for wear, where my fat ass had been!

Back home for pizza and pale ale, before crashing out for the night.

Back to Seaworld tomorrow we think, but we’ll decide on the day.


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